Freedom, girl-boss, and working remotely were all words that drew me to being an entrepreneur, but the reality of these words has been much more difficult than I ever could have imagined.
“Freedom” means you are working in a loud library (bet you didn’t know there was such a thing) at the local college because you don’t yet have wifi in your basement apartment. “Girl-boss” means you are doing the marketing, financing, legal, and everything else you feel unqualified to do in the business. And “working remotely” means loneliness with an abundance of time into which negative thoughts seep.
If there is anything I have learned in my short 26 years of life, it is that the devil doesn’t play fair. He finds you at your weakest and latches on to your negative thoughts. But then you grow, and gain more knowledge and strength than you ever believed you could.
If you follow my Instagram feed at all, you probably have seen my passion for orphan-advocacy, foster care, and Honduras. I went to Honduras with quite the superiority complex, but then I became a mom to a newborn and realized how highly unqualified I was and how little I knew about a job that many women do. I learned, in that place, how the Lord can use me even when I am unqualified. Then came the spirit of comparison and working through that, and then patience in the most slow-moving, frustrating country. As I reflect on everything the Lord taught me in Honduras, I am seeing similar (and new) struggles come back as I begin this new journey.
I posted this on my Instagram last week:
and I had some really awesome responses to the question I presented, “how do you make yourself feel powerful and confident in the face of anxiety and doubt?” Here are some ways others have found to work through their anxiety.
1.”Time with nature”
2. “I think life is a bit like a pendulum… on one side it has the monuments built for the times you have seen God move in your life, on the other are His promises, things He has spoken to your heart that you have yet to see happen. Any given day or maybe even Minute your pendulum is swinging closer to one side or the other. You have to keep both sides in clear view. Believe His promises… why is He trustworthy? Because of what He has done for you in your past.”
3. “I remind myself that the negative thoughts are what Satan uses to attack me, and it fires me up to fight back. Praying with a warrior’s mindset, declaring the victory that God already won, is so powerful.”
For me it takes a conscious effort of remembering that God’s grace is sufficient for me. I also choose to recall times in my past where I had similar feelings and how God used that time, like currently remembering my time in Honduras and how the Lord worked through that. God’s power is made perfect in my incredible weakness, and I can’t wait to look back on this season and see how his power came to fruition.